Stupid crap I used to believe

I used to believe so much stuff that was amazingly stupid, and dealing with the consequences of my naivete has been an appalling life-long comedy of errors.

1. I used to believe I was going to get married-- the whole fairy-tale happily ever after bullshit, flying in the face of never having had any success whatsoever with any man I liked at all. After all, he was surely going to turn up just around the corner, foaming at the bit to rescue me, right?

2. I used to believe that you went to college, majored in what you liked, and got a good job that would support you, especially since you'd be part of a two-income family with the good sir who never turned up back in stupid thing #1.

3. I used to believe that when you had your degree, you got a good job automagically when you went looking for it, and even that colleges would help you find one.

4. I used to think the government was mostly looking out for the best interests of the majority of people in this nation.

5. I used to think God actually gave a shit about each and every person and would look out for you if you believed in him, providing satisfactory conditions in each point from 1-4 of my prior stupid things I believed.

Wake up and smell the shitty life I made for myself that way, huh? Here I sit, unable to support myself without living under my parents' roof, fat and manless and stuck with one pathetic teacher's salary, with failing health, and the government wants to turn me into even more of a penniless slave.

Now I look down the barrel of weight loss surgery, and I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't, because either I can be sick and worthless from being fat or I can be sick and worthless from the side-effects of having RNY surgery.

Huzzah.